The Late Night Love family suffered a tragic loss last week, we thank you for your understanding.

This week Jazz and Lubby chat about the why's, why not's and how's of marijuana

BENEFITS

10 Reasons To Keep Smoking Weed (The Experts Weigh In!) (apotforpot.com)
https://apotforpot.com/blogs/learn/reasons-to-smoke-weed/

61 Potential Benefits of Marijuana that Are Backed By Science (herbonaut.com)
https://www.herbonaut.com/benefits-of-marijuana/

HOW

First Time Marijuana Dispensary Visit (cannabistraininguniversity.com)
https://cannabistraininguniversity.com/industry/first-time-marijuana-dispensary-visit

THC VS CBD

CBD vs. THC: A Chart to Help You Understand Cannabis (verywellhealth.com)
https://www.verywellhealth.com/cbd-vs-thc-5272060

SATIVA VS INDICA

Differences Between Indica & Sativa Strains Explained | Amuse
https://amuse.com/blog/difference-between-indica-sativa

Plus Lubby's weekly dive into the land of reddit!

RELATIONSHIPS

We’ve been dating for about a year and a half. I’m a F23 and when we met I was 124 lbs. I now weigh 180 lbs and I’m only 5 ft 3 so I definitely have gained a decent amount. My boyfriend still tells me I look skinny to him and I shouldn’t worry but I’ve never been with a guy who openly appreciates me gaining weight so what do y’all think about it?

Hi, I (m21) the other night while my girlfriend (f21) and I are laying in bed, I go to set the alarms on her phone for her to be able to wake up for work on time as I do every other night, and as I’m doing so I see my ex texts her and me being curious (I’ve never been one to peep through someone’s phone but my ex messaging my gf? I figured I’d check this out) I open the text message. I read her message and see there are quite a few others. And to my surprise I see texts about my chest ( I have gyno and it’s something I’ve always been self-conscious ab) and my hairline, and my sexual kinks, among other things like my family and how they’re a total train wreck. Anyways, back to the point at hand. My current gf doesn’t know I saw the texts, but I don’t know what to do. She always comforts me when I’m insecure but to find this out just hurts. I want to distance myself but I’ve been w her for well over a couple years now, and I still love her. I don’t know if I should confront her or leave it?

girl I've been 'involved' with on and off brings chocolates, calls me sexy and watches smut with me but apparently is in a relationship. is this cheating?

PARENTING

At what age do you safely leave your kids home alone at night?

I’m considering taking my son to our local library (he’s 1 1/2). He’s really interested in books and I’d like to foster that love as early as possible since I loved to read from an early age as well. I’ve looked at our library’s website but I’m just not sure how much there is for kids his age. I’m also looking to get out of the house and do something fun and (preferably) free with AC. What age did you take your children to the library and did they enjoy it?

My daughter is super attached to me and pushes my wife away. When they are alone my daughter snuggles up to her and loves her. When I'm with them my daughter will snuggle up with me and push my wife away. Sometimes she will do this thing when I'm snuggling with daughter if my wife touches her leg or gives her a kiss on the head of whatever, my daughter will rub that spot and go owww as if it hurt her. She will show me the spot to get a kiss on it to make it better. This is a disclaimer I know my wife isn't hurting our daughter behind my back or anything like that. My wife is the sweetest thing and would never hurt a fly.
Curious what is going on with our daughter?

WORK

I just got fired from a corporate job ive only been at for 3 months. The company was terrible and my team was constantly a mess. I tried so hard but unfortunately was never properly trained. During my interview i told them I didn’t have years of experience but they still went on to hire me and then not actually train me. Im feeling so upset and scared that no one will hire me now. Im such a hard worker but have a learning disability so I struggle without guidance. Really need some reassurance right now thanks.

My boss cc’d HR on an email today. In the email he absolutely ripped me a new one, and criticized my ability to be detailed oriented when reviewing his edits. I did prior to this but the document I thought I sent him was not the one I edited (computer issue). I don’t want to argue because it won’t make the situation better, but I think the email was rather out of pocket especially since he tacitly threatened firing me in the email. What’s weird is that he spoke highly of me and my work in a mid-year review and noted how I was “great for the culture” and provide “added value” to our clients. Anyways, I believe our relationship is has reached an untenable point, and I’m thinking of jumping ship before I get a bad mark on my resume. Is that smart? Should I stick it out (only been there a year)?

At the midway point of the fiscal year I unexpectedly received an offer from an outside company. It came with a major increase in salary. I was forthcoming with my boss, said I was contemplating making the move. As a counter they offered a decent lump sum retention bonus so I decided to stay. Fast forward 7 months, it’s end-of-year appraisal time and I get a rating of “meets expectations” and a raise of 4.5%. Wh-whut? Excuse me? MEETS expectations? 4.5% raise?

SEX

I’m a girl who likes girls (lesbian). I’ve never been sexual with anyone, but there are things in certain girls that are an instant attraction to me. I don’t know why, but I only feel attracted to girls who are thick, taller than me, dominant, and stronger than me. I’m a petite girl (5’0 and 97 pounds), so it isn’t hard to find a girl that’s my type. I don’t know why, but something part of my stupid brain goes “holy shit yes” when I’m around girls like that. The thought of her manhandling me and pinning my wrists down, choking me (not to death or passing out), and pulling my hair makes me feel like I’m melting. Should I be worried? Is this weird? Am I weird for this?

Female, mid-20s. Almost getting married with the man of my dreams, totally in love and complete with him. We are so well fine. Here's the catch: I'd had sex only with him. No other, nothing. I realized he'll be my only one after marriage. And lately I've been wondering and fantasizing about how it feels to be with another man. I'm not looking to BE with another man romantically, just to have the sexual experience-- to satisfy my cravings, I suppose. And I have found the boy with whom I want to have sex. I am totally sexually satisfied in my current relationship. The sex is great, and it gets better all the time. Oddly enough, I don't know why I feel this urge to do so. I guess I don't want to feel that way after getting married, I wouldn't like to spend my days thinking about wanting to have sex with another man. I have never cheated on a partner, and I would never cheat on my current lover. I'm already feeling guilty but my crave keeps getting bigger each time. What can I do about this? Should I tell him? What would you do in my position?

Like title says. My girlfriend and I (16) want to have sex with each other but are not sure if it’s too early in our relationship. We’ve been talking for 6 month but dating officially for 2. Will it ruin our relationship if we have sex this early? We are both virgins. We talk about how we want to have sex with each other a lot and both agreed that we want to but just the fact that we think it could ruin our relationship is stopping us.

How to Find a Therapist That's Right for You: 9 Key Tips (healthline.com)
https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-find-a-therapist

How to Interview a Potential Therapist. Twenty Three Questions to Ask (choosehelp.com)
https://www.choosehelp.com/topics/counseling/getting-to-know-a-potential-therapist-helps-you-chose-the-right-one

What to Expect in Your First Therapy Session | Psych Central
Things to Expect (and Not!) in Your First Therapy Session
https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-to-expect-in-your-first-counseling-session

What happens during sex therapy? - ISSM
https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-happens-during-sex-therapy/

RELATIONSHIP

My wife (29F) and I (28M) just had our first baby 2 months ago and we made the decision we want our baby to be fluent in 3 languages for the baby’s future. My wife and I are both bilingual and fluent in 2 languages. My wife can speak Korean and English and I can speak Japanese and English. My wife thinks when I talk to the baby I should speak in Japanese and when she talks to the baby she should speak in Korean. She believes that since we live in America, our son will be fluent in English no matter what from school so we should begin speaking the other two languages at home. I said it would confuse the baby so we should use English until he’s about 4 and then start teaching the other two languages. This leads to problems and fighting because of the completely different approaches. who is right?

My husband (21) and I (20) got married about two weeks ago. Today when I came home he said he needed to tell me something. I don’t know what I was expecting. He told me that he might have a child with a girl he used to date. Apparently she doesn’t want him in her or her child’s life. The child is still very young. They haven’t had contact since she sent him ultrasound pictures. He told me he tried to make it work with her but it didn’t. There’s no paternity test and right now she doesn’t want one. But he didn’t just find out about this. He’s known since she got pregnant and he never told me about it. At first I was in shock, but now I am so angry. I am so angry he never told me when he’s had multiple opportunities to do so. The only reason he told me today was because he found out she’s been having dinner with his grandma. Why would she do that if she wants nothing to do with him? what do i do now?

Need someone to dump cold water on me and tell me that I (40/m) should not date this girl (25/f).

Girlfriend tested positive for Chlamydia and is accusing me of cheating but i didn’t. How do I convince her?

WORK

Is there a diplomatic way to indicate on your resume you tolerated an Ahole as part of your job responsibilities?

I took a job 6 months ago and it turned out the place is in complete disarray and total chaos. I worked very hard at the cost of my health and my family. Suddenly ny boss was fired and they brought in a new one. I've been explaining to him that my workload is that of 3 people and asking for help or direction of some kind. He keeps saying things like "if you're not happy you should make a decision to leave". If I quit, my family will suffer financially. It will be devastating. If they fire me at least I'll get unemployment and can look for another job. Have you ever been in this position? Anything I can say to get him to just fire me, without jeopardizing my unemployment insurance?

Hello fresh grad here! So i received a job offer in the field of automation and they are going to train us. In exchange of a 4 year bond or pay half a million(in Philippine peso) ? Thoughts?

PARENTING

I (27M) love my SO (34F) and our 2 month old boy. Today we drove an hour and a half away to a really good pediatric dentist to get a frenectomy done with the assistance of my MIL. MIL sat in the backseat with baby. Procedure went well but on the way back home baby started to cry because local anesthetic began to wear off. That’s when MIL took baby out of carseat to comfort him in her arms. They never liked the carseat because how uncomfortable it makes baby look and frankly I have agreed with them about that but I know it’s the safest spot for a baby to be in just in case of an accident. So I said maybe he can be comforted while in the carseat and they said that he’ll be put back in the carseat when he calms down. He stops crying after about 5 minutes and falls asleep again. We still had about 50 minutes in our drive home so I asked if he can be put back in the carseat and they both refused saying he might wake up and cry again. Am I being overly anxious about him being held in the car rather than being in the carseat?

I (37M) am an introvert. On the exterior nobody would know it, but it drains me when I lead meetings, go to social functions, etc. Enter my sweet, loving daughters (6 & 8). I love them dearly and there's nothing in the world I wouldn't do for them. I feel guilty saying this, but when I spend time with them I get overstimulated by how much they talk, ask questions, sing songs, argue with each other, etc. and it happens very quickly. I feel like I need a break after being around them for an hour. It makes me feel like a bad dad because I don't feel like I have the mental endurance to handle the unending flow of chatter, questions, and noises. I'm divorced so I don't have the option of requesting that their mom take them out of the house. What are some ways I can cultivate a good parenting relationship without feeling so burnt out when I have time with them? I love them and am tired of feeling like a bad dad.

So, caught my kid smoking pot. He is 18 and on his way to college (in town) in 6 weeks where he will be living at the dorms. We had a good discussion, talked about self medicating and how that is not the best way to deal with problems. Made sure he had a therapy appointment on the books. Talked about how it is still illegal in our state and he is not 21 even if it were legal. He is only working 20 hours a week this summer (in spite of DH and I pushing him to take on 40 hours), which means he has been spending his graduation money on this. So in spite of being SO ANGRY and feeling like a complete failure, we had a good discussion. But shouldn't there be some consequences?

I have a teenager (15M) who plays video games as much as he can. As long as he’s meeting his obligations I don’t have a problem with it. During the pandemic it’s how he got to spend time laughing and joking with friends. He also comes to tell me about what he’s playing, what happened, who did what. Which I think is healthy and I try hard to be interested since he is interested. My concern is how hard it is to hear about any video game gun violence with the rash of shootings. I try to remain neutral but I’m sure he can feel how disturbing it is. We have had good talks about violence and radicalization and so on and I feel reassured that he isn’t going toward those things IRL. What do you do when you want to like or at least tolerate something your kid is into that you genuinely find offensive?

SEX

I (24F) genuinely just want to understand because lately my husband (31M) has been into rougher things sexually. I have been trying to be open minded and understanding through all of this but I just really want to know … how is hurting the person you love fun? Calling me names? Telling me he wants to break me? Being happy that I’m all bruised because of him? Laughing at me for crying? Chocking me and leaving visible marks that I have to keep hiding? Refusing to do the things I actually like even just simply hugging and cuddling because that doesn’t turn him on? Refusing to talk to me after I say no or beg him to stop? And the list is long. I’m just sick and tired of feeling like I only deserve to be loved by him when I let him do whatever he wants with me. I’m tired of feeling like sexually we are not equal partners and only his happiness matters. What should i do?

I’m a 28 year old mother of two. Recently, I found out my son is having sex with his girlfriend who is a year older. I won’t get into the details of how I found out since there are creepos here I’m completely at a loss for what to do. I had a conversation with the girl’s mother. She grounded her and banned her from seeing my son. My son is upset and doesn’t understand why he’s in trouble. I could only tell him that he shouldn’t be doing it at his age, and he asked why. I want to tell him about pregnancy because maybe they’ll scare him, but honestly.. I feel so confused and hurt. I’m a single parent. I have no help. What should I do?

I’m (29M) marrying my beautiful fiancé (28F) next month! Her best friend/ maid of honor surprised her with a penis pump as a gag gift. Please help me understand this.

How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You in 7 Steps (stanleycyang.com)
https://stanleycyang.com/how-to-forgive-someone

How to Forgive Someone that Deeply Hurt You - TheHopeLine
https://www.thehopeline.com/how-to-forgive/

10 Easy Ways to Forget Someone Who Hurt You Deeply - easyWays
https://www.easyways.net/10-easy-ways-forget-someone-hurt-deeply/

How to Forgive Yourself: 9 Tips For Self Forgiveness - Choosing Therapy
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/how-to-forgive-yourself/

How to Forgive Yourself (and Actually Mean It) | SELF
https://www.self.com/story/how-to-forgive-yourself

QUESTIONS

I’ve been dating my boyfriend (28m) for just under 8 months. He works in a small industry and makes ~60k a year. Which of course is a impressive salary and a massive achievement in his field, and I’m genuinely proud of what he has done. He is from a small town with small town values. Everything was going great, until recently. We have a lot in common and get along really well. Money has never been a issue until now, and I’ve always insisted on paying for dates 50/50. Yesterday he said that he was uncomfortable with how much more money I made then he did. He said I should slow down my career so I could be at home more often, and to let him be the “man of the house”. I was honestly speechless and have been staying at my sisters ever since. At this point I’m strongly considering leaving. I’ve been though similar situations with exs. any ideas on how to get this to stop happening?

My (20f) bf(23m) and I have been together for 3.5 years he Butt dialled me last night while talking to his friends about other girls bodies and he than made a comment if this girl shows up tonight he’s fuck her. He doesn’t know he called me what do I do?

I’m happily married and I feel like my husband is one of the only people on the planet who gets me and loves me for who I am. The rest of my relationships….I just feel unlikable. Like there is something I put out into the world that I’m unaware of that causes people to want to avoid me. I’ve never really had the proverbial “BFF” whose family is like mine and vice versa. I’m always a fringe friend. Work is the same way - I see cliques of coworkers and feel like I’m excluded, talked down to, and treated as if I don’t belong. After 35 years it is wearing on me greatly. I’m lonely. I have incredible social anxiety now. I prefer spending time by myself which of course doesn’t help anything. I literally don’t know what I do that is off-putting to others. I think I’m friendly albeit quiet. I try to let people know I care. I try to help if I see a coworker struggling. I smile at people when I see them and say hello. Maybe I’m unknowingly abrasive? I don’t know.

My significant others 14 year old son is borderline autistic. His son lives with his mom, and the mom doesn't care for the child at all. He has no sense of personal hygiene, or care for anything other than video games and hanging out with his friends. My question is, how do we get his personal hygiene on an acceptable level?

I’m basically a single mom to two boys. A 13m and a 4m. But this mainly has to do with oldest. He lurks around when I’m on the phone and if there is ANY mention to money, he is wanting to know what it is about, how much, when I’m going to buy such thing even if I’m just talking and have no intentions of buying anything. Granted we struggle. I mean who is not nowadays. But he is always telling me when I get some money I should upgrade this I should do this, why ain’t I doing this. How do I get this kid out my wallet?

I have a 14-year old daughter. She has absolutely zero interest in doing anything. If I let her, she would sit and watch tv for 18 hours straight. Today I had a long day at work and she sat in front of the tv from 8 in the morning until almost midnight. I’ve tried to encourage her to take walks with me, garden with me, draw or read outside, and she complains the entire time and just HATES it. Do I keep trying or let her be?

I had sex for the first time last night and it felt like I was getting raped. It was 100% consensual and I was in control most of the time. But I still felt sad after and it felt wrong. I don't even feel very attracted or connected to the person right now. I almost don't feel like I'm living real life. Is this normal for first time? Should I stay positive and try again?

This is really silly, but I’m too embarrassed to ask any of my friends. Why does my boyfriend keep asking me for nude pictures? i thought we had a great sex life.